cat power doesn't blame you

i have had quite a delightful day thus far. 

it's 11:41p.m.- at this exact moment. 

for the last 4 days, i can't stop listening to this song:

Peel sessions - Amazing Live Version

i heard this years ago, and although i love it,  and the album-  "you are free"- in general, the song i don't blame you has rung a personal chord [sorry for the pun] as of recent. 

regardless of speculated historical reasoning for the details of the lyrical story, it is a beautiful song, succulent with passion and compassion. 

how marvelous! 

[but how can it not be, chan marshall's voice is so smokey and amazing...]

it's 11:48 p.m.

i guess i am both a hopeless romantic, daydreaming my way through life, weaving fables i sometimes take place in, and an astronomer, calculating the distances between bodies traveling in orbits, and their relationships with one another- 

worlds both visible and invisible. 

recently, drifting in and out of my fore-brain are the the concepts of past/present, ideas about the difference between folks who are presently consistent in my life and those just passing through, and the pre-surgence of energy to push my creative legacy into be-ing. 

my day has thus been serendipitous, starting with an early a.m. message from a long-lost friend, to an unplanned surprise visit from the boy, to the meeting of 3 other dear friends and included 5$ combo drink specials to boot. 

oh, and i saw great music, live. 

just because i decided to take a different street home.

or not because- anything...

because- 

i don't believe in coincidences.

12:06 

the story of earlier tonight:

i left work late, and decided to dip onto my favorite modest watering hole afterward. 

after one round [of pbr and a shot of whiskey, both- for a five-spot] i found myself having a quasi-one-sided conversation with a feisty regular patron about philosophical inherent truth. 

[we may have disagreed with his soliloquy's points.]

the dog chases it's tail. 

rwewrwrooooff.

then long lost friend 2 walked in, and sat down to my right. 

stereophonic silliness ensued.

she was performing tonight. 

nice.

blabbedy blab blabedy.

 then friends number 3 and 4 strolled in. 

2, 3 and 4 hugged and made niceties. 

what?

i did not know they were friends and nonetheless worked together prior.

3 and 4 insisted that i stay on and watch the performances for the night.

i agreed.

12:33 a.m. currently.

and holy shit, i was totally going to leave before friend 2 du jour even walked in. 

so glad i had more swill in my glass when she walked in.

when 2 was done with her great set, this artsy-fartsy/artsy-smartsy band played. [called now you/hello dust?]  

i also ate chinese takeout, between acts, while sitting on a wall tonight. 

i used the chopsticks i already had in my purse. 

[veggies/rice stir-fry, and scallion pancake. yummers.]

12:48 in the eve

i exchanged info with everybody today. 

 metaphysical info. creative info. etherial info. contact info. 

the idea of friends/friendships all being uncertain, like life, has been mind-blowing; 

let's say for a two to twenty-two month span. 

my present friends are saying: 

shut up, 

fuck those who aren't there any more- especially for bullshit reasons- 

and in general, tell me just how silly i have been, acting all upset and overly nostalgic. 

i have some audacity complaining to those who actively love me- honestly! 

i accept the rediculous crap i am capable of. 

1:18 a.m., and all's well.

not that i won't continue to take my friendships seriously, but i will try to be mindful and flexible with the concept of them being forever, no matter how much i may treasure them. 

the same goes for any relationship. 

i mean, what type of connection lasts- always? 

genetic?

and getting back to the friends thing, friend 1 and i both moved and changed employ so many times since we were in contact, it was easy to lose touch due to those facts. to friend 2, i may have said some stupid insensitive words to, and made an ass of myself. and 3/4 i thought i lost in the great emancipation. but i thought of them all often.

1:33 and i find myself growing sleepyish.

moral:

people come, and people go, and some people return.

i want to travel

2:46 in the wee hours

p.s. enjoy the cancer/cancer solar eclipse, bitches! the third in a row of three eclipses in 31 days. wow.
3:11 a.m. as i type this.