gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

cat power doesn't blame you

i have had quite a delightful day thus far. 

it's 11:41p.m.- at this exact moment. 

for the last 4 days, i can't stop listening to this song:

Peel sessions - Amazing Live Version
i heard this years ago, and although i love it,  and the album-  "you are free"- in general, the song i don't blame you has rung a personal chord [sorry for the pun] as of recent. 
regardless of speculated historical reasoning for the details of the lyrical story, it is a beautiful song, succulent with passion and compassion. 
how marvelous! 
[but how can it not be, chan marshall's voice is so smokey and amazing...]

it's 11:48 p.m.

i guess i am both a hopeless romantic, daydreaming my way through life, weaving fables i sometimes take place in, and an astronomer, calculating the distances between bodies traveling in orbits, and their relationships with one another- 
worlds both visible and invisible. 
recently, drifting in and out of my fore-brain are the the concepts of past/present, ideas about the difference between folks who are presently consistent in my life and those just passing through, and the pre-surgence of energy to push my creative legacy into be-ing. 

my day has thus been serendipitous, starting with an early a.m. message from a long-lost friend, to an unplanned surprise visit from the boy, to the meeting of 3 other dear friends and included 5$ combo drink specials to boot. 
oh, and i saw great music, live. 
just because i decided to take a different street home.
or not because- anything...
i don't believe in coincidences.

the story of earlier tonight:
i left work late, and decided to dip onto my favorite modest watering hole afterward. 
after one round [of pbr and a shot of whiskey, both- for a five-spot] i found myself having a quasi-one-sided conversation with a feisty regular patron about philosophical inherent truth. 
[we may have disagreed with his soliloquy's points.]
the dog chases it's tail. 

then long lost friend 2 walked in, and sat down to my right. 
stereophonic silliness ensued.
she was performing tonight. 
blabbedy blab blabedy.
 then friends number 3 and 4 strolled in. 
2, 3 and 4 hugged and made niceties. 
i did not know they were friends and nonetheless worked together prior.
3 and 4 insisted that i stay on and watch the performances for the night.
i agreed.

12:33 a.m. currently.

and holy shit, i was totally going to leave before friend 2 du jour even walked in. 
so glad i had more swill in my glass when she walked in.
when 2 was done with her great set, this artsy-fartsy/artsy-smartsy band played. [called now you/hello dust?]  
i also ate chinese takeout, between acts, while sitting on a wall tonight. 
i used the chopsticks i already had in my purse. 
[veggies/rice stir-fry, and scallion pancake. yummers.]

12:48 in the eve

i exchanged info with everybody today. 
 metaphysical info. creative info. etherial info. contact info. 
the idea of friends/friendships all being uncertain, like life, has been mind-blowing; 
let's say for a two to twenty-two month span. 
my present friends are saying: 
shut up, 
fuck those who aren't there any more- especially for bullshit reasons- 
and in general, tell me just how silly i have been, acting all upset and overly nostalgic. 
i have some audacity complaining to those who actively love me- honestly! 
i accept the rediculous crap i am capable of. 

1:18 a.m., and all's well.

not that i won't continue to take my friendships seriously, but i will try to be mindful and flexible with the concept of them being forever, no matter how much i may treasure them. 
the same goes for any relationship. 
i mean, what type of connection lasts- always? 
and getting back to the friends thing, friend 1 and i both moved and changed employ so many times since we were in contact, it was easy to lose touch due to those facts. to friend 2, i may have said some stupid insensitive words to, and made an ass of myself. and 3/4 i thought i lost in the great emancipation. but i thought of them all often.

1:33 and i find myself growing sleepyish.

people come, and people go, and some people return.

i want to travel

2:46 in the wee hours

p.s. enjoy the cancer/cancer solar eclipse, bitches! the third in a row of three eclipses in 31 days. wow.
3:11 a.m. as i type this. 


  1. Go to bed! Although I am reading this several hours after you have posted it. Now you/Hello dust is probably the most pretentious band name I have come across, excellent. And having chopsticks in your purse shows that you are prepared for any eventuality.

  2. um, i agree @ the name. at least the duo was funny and talented.
    was up till after 4 am.
    eclipse's fault.
    and i woke up @ 9am.
    what the?!?

  3. It sounds to me like a really eventful evening. I admire that you have aquired the skill of using chopsticks!

  4. Funny how life turns out sometimes aint it ?

    I have friends now that are - in relation to the number of years I've been in this life - fairly recent, but in conversations about where we have been and mutual aquaintances it's quite strange that we didn't meet long before we did.

    Especially with my now best friend.


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