This weekend, I went to the local porno superstore:
Appropriately grainy screen-shot taken off Google Maps.
Not like The Money Shot.
Inside it's clean and fresh.
Unlike your mind after you leave.
Take it from me... I used to work there.
Another fab blob for a later date.
Ask me nicely... I may share stories!
I went with a friend around midnight- after drinks.
After we had dinner with my mother.
After a long day at work.
She bought a treat for her and her beau...
And I purchased one overpriced glow-in-the-dark condom.
^^^ Like this one here ^^^
And of course, I thought about Luke Skywalker.
So darned cute, he was...
BUT, after I was fervently looking for it yesterday in my bag, I discovered-
EEK- it's missing!
I was missing a piece too...
a piece of ass!
Since we are all grown-ass friends here, I shall be honest.
I was in need of a good dicking,
as my girlfriend says [surprise surprise, it was the same friend who I went to VIP with!]
We all have needs.
Get over your puritanical tendencies, if you have any.
Speaking of dick:
Andy Dick is one of my favorite dicks.
Look at that dumb dog. That dog is a total dick as well.
Not sure what's going on here, but I had to share.
Before Dick Clark was a robot.
Dick Cavett with his Henson parody.
Dick Van Patten of 8 is Enough fame knows about a good dicking.
He had 8 f'n kids, duh!
Dang it, Dick Dale!
Good 'Ole Tricky Dicky!
Philip K. Dick... with pussy.
Dick Van Dyke as the chimney sweep in LSD-headed Poppins!
Dick York as Darren Stevens #1
Dick Sargent as Darren Stevens # 2
Dick -VS- Dick
And speaking of WTf'nF?!?!?:
WHY on earth was Abe Vigoda featured on the Dick pages of the Google?
Readers, I hope you enjoyed my romp through the Dick forest.
I know I did.
Almost as much as I enjoyed my non-glow-in-the-dicking.
And all I can say about the missing condom is that I was over my mother's house the night after I bought it, before I looked for it in my bag, the bag that doesn't close.
It must be at her place.
You should know this:
She and I definitely do not have the kind of tampon commercial relationship some chicks have with their moms where they go bra shopping and talk about dick.
We have the other type...
The one where she's mega-ultra-religious, and afraid of lust & life as I know it and I am an openly psychic, ex-sex-shop employee with a flavor for the absurd.
Enjoy that condom, Mom!
Now where did I put that gimp mask...