gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
adjective:
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
noun:
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

wardrobe malfunction part 2 -OR- "where are my pants?"

i was rushing to work.
yes, again.
this may or may not be a theme for me.
i don't rush to all my jobs, just the food service gigs. (maybe i should explore that deeper at a later date... hmmmm.)
okay, as i was saying, i was rushing to work- heading to the shitassed job i would soon enough get FIRED from. (see this post from december 2010.)
it was early winter in new england, and a crisp clear day. for those of you who are not familiar with the weather of new england- on a snappy morn such as this, the air was cold and dry, thus uber-charged with static electricity possibilities.
i had on a cute outfit, or so i believed.
it started with a fun 70's white and amber pseudo-floral print polyester dress, followed by a black lace sleeved/blouse-y thing, and supported by necessary underthings, including tights.
it ended with a puffy coat.

puffy

not puffy

i was actually enjoying my ungodly-early walk to my shitty job. 
there was a dusting of snow on the sidewalk and my boots made a great crunching sound as i walked. i may have even had a spring in my step. may have. no guarantees though.
i walk on, pass many cars and walkers, and am very close to my place of former employ, when i notice feeling much colder than when i ventured out. i look down and see that my zipper [a double-header] has unzipped from my knees UP- to about my waist. 
i, being happy as a clam, had not noticed. 
it was very cold out and i was sleepy. also, in my defense, i admit that i am, at times- a bit of a daydreamer- especially when i am out and about town. [yes, i realize this behavior has safety ramifications, but i am okay with that. so far, so good.]  back to my little dilemma- i was rounding the corner by the entrance to work, and the puffy coat blew up- way up this time. 
downtown new haven has a wind-tunnel effect for a few blocks due to the giant city buildings all clustered about the city green. okay- that said-

coat blew up. ass out.
well, maybe not the ass of your imagination, since i had on tights, but i looked like i forgot to wear pants that day.
which would explain the beeping and waving from strange passers-by.

moral of the story:
static charged air plus friction from a brisk walk plus polyester equals ass out.
s+f+p= a.o.

now where are my pants again.....



2 comments:

  1. Very funny post. Are you in denial over your exhibitionism?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Tony,
    In attempts to both remember the stories which make me smile and laugh at myself, I shall be blahblahblogging them as time goes on. Often these stories involve a sly version of exhibitionism or some other form of exposing- ahem- my thoughts, at the very least.
    and my butt.

    Thanks for reading my posty rants and I love knowing that I amuse people other than myself alone.

    ReplyDelete

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