gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

wardrobe malfunction part 2 -OR- "where are my pants?"

i was rushing to work.
yes, again.
this may or may not be a theme for me.
i don't rush to all my jobs, just the food service gigs. (maybe i should explore that deeper at a later date... hmmmm.)
okay, as i was saying, i was rushing to work- heading to the shitassed job i would soon enough get FIRED from. (see this post from december 2010.)
it was early winter in new england, and a crisp clear day. for those of you who are not familiar with the weather of new england- on a snappy morn such as this, the air was cold and dry, thus uber-charged with static electricity possibilities.
i had on a cute outfit, or so i believed.
it started with a fun 70's white and amber pseudo-floral print polyester dress, followed by a black lace sleeved/blouse-y thing, and supported by necessary underthings, including tights.
it ended with a puffy coat.


not puffy

i was actually enjoying my ungodly-early walk to my shitty job. 
there was a dusting of snow on the sidewalk and my boots made a great crunching sound as i walked. i may have even had a spring in my step. may have. no guarantees though.
i walk on, pass many cars and walkers, and am very close to my place of former employ, when i notice feeling much colder than when i ventured out. i look down and see that my zipper [a double-header] has unzipped from my knees UP- to about my waist. 
i, being happy as a clam, had not noticed. 
it was very cold out and i was sleepy. also, in my defense, i admit that i am, at times- a bit of a daydreamer- especially when i am out and about town. [yes, i realize this behavior has safety ramifications, but i am okay with that. so far, so good.]  back to my little dilemma- i was rounding the corner by the entrance to work, and the puffy coat blew up- way up this time. 
downtown new haven has a wind-tunnel effect for a few blocks due to the giant city buildings all clustered about the city green. okay- that said-

coat blew up. ass out.
well, maybe not the ass of your imagination, since i had on tights, but i looked like i forgot to wear pants that day.
which would explain the beeping and waving from strange passers-by.

moral of the story:
static charged air plus friction from a brisk walk plus polyester equals ass out.
s+f+p= a.o.

now where are my pants again.....


  1. Very funny post. Are you in denial over your exhibitionism?

  2. Dear Tony,
    In attempts to both remember the stories which make me smile and laugh at myself, I shall be blahblahblogging them as time goes on. Often these stories involve a sly version of exhibitionism or some other form of exposing- ahem- my thoughts, at the very least.
    and my butt.

    Thanks for reading my posty rants and I love knowing that I amuse people other than myself alone.


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