gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Friday, May 13, 2011

w.m.4 -OR- how did THAT get in THERE?

i was reading a fashion/food-related blog posted by the lovely dirtycowgirl, and was reminded of a story which took place many moons ago. 

still looks like jackie gleason to me...

once upon a time i was 19, believe it or not. it's still true. and, no, i don't want to relive it. i'm not one of those assholes who tells my students that their teen years are the best of their lives. on the contrary, i tell them the harsh truth: it sucks ass for the most part. wait till your 20's for the real fun, and your thirties for the enlightened shit. but when i'm 40, i will probably be wrong about that too. anyhoo- the 19 thing was a learning experience, and i was lucky enough to not get busted for the dumb shit i did, but what the hell do you know at 19? not alot. sorry to any of you reading 19 year-old folks, i speak the facts. enjoy the splendor of not knowing, for it does not last forever.

arrested development: the best t.v. comedy ever written.

i was 19, and working in a quasi-famous restaurant. i did all the jobs there, depending on day/shift and necessity. i washed greasy pots/pans/dishes. i made salads and appetizer plates. i was a chef. i made bread and baked yummy numnums. i was the virgo ultimate.

no- not this one, but i do love the iconography of this nyc diner

now, many non-virgoan people have misconceptions about virgos being anally retentive and curmudgeonish or even cantankerous, lacking any warmth whatsoever. really? who writes this shit? 
fuck that stigma. i am an ex-slob, potty-mouthed, affection whore... much like my cat, who is a pisces. [i may or may not wax the astrological at a later date. keep posted.] i do possess the attention to detail we virgo peeps supposedly have, and i am uber-into world-wide ancient health and healing arts, like acupuncture, homeopathy and herbalism. i enjoy studying. nothing wrong with dropping knowledge on yourself, i say.

what one person thinks of us virgos- just the positive crap

okay, i was cooking at the restaurant or on salad patrol the day in mention. i remember working a double as well. it was the summer, because i also remember going out back to water the gardens and pick veg for the recipes i was concocting. 

2 onions, 4 cloves garlic, eye of newt, toe of toad...

guaranteed after a double-shift day, i came home pooped beyond recognition, and flopped down on the sofa to chill with the kitties. i'd come in, pee, grab a snack and some fermented beverages, and retire to the living room.

kitty knows best. 
now will you pass the popcorn... and the remote?!?!

i came in and greeted the felines, and went to the bathroom. sat to squirt, and what do i find- to my surprise?
an entire sprig of parsley. a large one.
in my panty.
as in IN.

the parsley showdown!

1] how did that get there? my clothing was fitted.
2] how did i not notice it? i get squirmy when a wedgie is threatening to make it's way up my ass.
3] what the fuck? i don't cook in my skivvies... at work at least.

i need these

perhaps i need my own forum of FAIL. 
sure do have enough instances of them.

like you have never done this...

hi, my name is violet, and i have herbs in my underwear. 
nice to meet you.


  1. At least you weren't making banana splits.

  2. PMSL

    Well apparently if you keep a sprig of parsley in your fridge it keeps it smelling fresh.

    Lightly seasoned flange anyone ?

  3. Maybe it had grown there, you may have needed to shower more.


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