gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Monday, May 16, 2011

the illustrious gift of unsolicited opinions

while i type this, i am simultaneously streaming a netflix video, watching a comic [page hurwitz- she's 4/5th funny, but worth watching] on a logo comedy series called wisecrack- it's a selection of gay men and lesbians doing stand-up.
let me preface this with an info tidbit: i am openly bi.
as in sexual.
not the liberal arts-school bi- who kisses a girl occasionally for one semester.
not the trying-to-make-men-horny bi- "like, watch me kiss your fantasy girl, bubba."
not the attention seeker bi- who merely claims the title and is grossed out by the do-ing.
bi. as in i have had almost as many serious love interests of both genders. and i am a serial monogamist. as in not a slut. not that i care if you're a slut, it's just not my cup 'o' tea. 
with the exception of some fun safe trusting friend-y relationships, i prefer to actually love you if i fuck you. 
call me old fashioned- and disease free. 
people need to identify others using titles and labels so they can see if they share in common interests, or are simply forced to hate and judge others.
isn't what that labeling people and shit is for?
if not, it sure is how that shit ends up working out.
so, that said, i claim to openly be open to love, and the intimacy which results- or the other way around... depending on the scenario. but since you are most-likely an adult, you get the gist. 

quasi-recently, i was in an 11 year relationship with a woman, and the subsequent fallout after the split was devastating. this happened @ 2 years ago, yet the volcanic relationship ash still seeps into my life every now and again, forcing me to revisit shit i'd rather not, and clean proverbial house. again. 
like the fact that i have been shunned by a group of gays and lesbians who i called family, who now completely ignore me and treat me like a leper. 
fucking cunts. 
thanks for being there falsely and with condition for decades, and now - nothing. 
ironic shit.
another fun tidbit is that i am with a man now, who i fell for at the very end of my relationship with my 11 year stint. ours has been a rocky road, but not without merit, and i am interested in seeing what we learn from each other and what we teach. no relationship is without flaws. more on that at a later date.

when i see people- acquaintances, or "friends" who don't know about the big ugly split, 99% of the reactions are as if i broke up with them: shock, hurt, scorn... then the vomitorium of questions and commentary erupts. 
it always starts with: but i thought you were a lesbian! what happened? 
like a break-up is just a casual or simple story to relay- like how a car accident or some other random crap happened. huh? 
"you never asked, but you did assume." i often reply. 
or, if i meet a woman who was a hardcore card-carrying lez for eons, and now she rocks dick, she says- inevitably "oh- you were never a lesbian either?!" to her i must say: "dyke- you're lying to yourself, and- you never asked, you assumed. now go eat some beav." 

where the fuck do ignoramuses get off?
i never claimed to be them.
i never lied.
i am me.

my femi-nazi restaurant bosses of 4 years used to proudly insist that bisexuality does not exist
what, like god, or evolution- according to the imbecile extremists?!?! 
i, and a friend/co-worker, used to get into heated debates with these feminist lesbian elders.  
2 out of of 3 of the boss ladies used to be married, and both are moms.
yes, i understand that they lived and married in a time when being girl-on-girl was a smidge taboo, but it was fucking done, and for long before the feminist wave of the 1970's, so- suck one, bitches
and they had kids. 
as in more than one
so- apparently dick was okay at least a couple times. 
but bad for any other woman.
literal screaming matches ensued between us until i quit working there. 
many of the other female employees claimed to be strictly-clitly, but very few remain so. these are often the same women who were so cruel to me when i claimed my bi-ness. 
also they are the same women married with babies now.
hypocrite cunts.
and i remain single, child-free, and open to love whomever i choose to love- no boundaries. 
lucky me.

this is not the only recent change in my life which deems others to act like assholes toward me. 
how could it be, when so many people suck shit?

up until november 2010, since i was @ 11, i dyed my hair super fun colors. most often i used manic panic dyes. my hair had seen never a dull moment. i have rocked every color under the rainbow, and too many styles to list- from tame to outrageous.
but last autumn i needed a change. i could start seeing grays in my roots, and my curls weren't springing back like they used to. [bleaching your hair removes elastin- which is needed for curly hair to remain springy.] 
curiously, i wanted to know what i was working with, and was tired of having my hair slump. the upkeep is laborious and expensive each month, too. 
i was also going through a rough patch in my living situation. 
i needed a change. 
so- i shaved my head. 
well, first i cut off my long-ass braids, then i shaved it all off. i buzzed it with a 3 guard. it was a half inch long. luckily, i have a nicely shaped dome.
come to find out, i have less gray than i thought, and felt so liberated to break free and release the 4 or 5 years of life/hair growth, that i decided to just leave it. let it grow. grays and all. and finally allow my curls to sprout free.
now it's 0.0% upkeep. i don't even comb it; not until it reaches my shoulders at least. and i have another year's wait for that.
and, like my girl-to-boy relationship change, this one has received a myriad of unsolicited responses.

people reveal themselves by the questions they choose to ask, or by the remarks they make.

very few comments were positive. 
some are genuinely inquisitive. 
most are underhanded and rude.

these are fucking verbatum:
"i liked it better when you had blue- or purple hair. at least then you looked like a violet."
"i almost don't even recognize you with that bland hair."
"it's so......... normal."
"what the hell happened to you?!?!?"
"you should change it back. this is terrible."

these fucking comments have gone on for the last 6 months. 
people must have been living vicariously through me more than i assumed they may have been, because these comments occur weekly @ the studio where i work, and without a lack of aplomb. 
i would never ever think to say shit like any of the mentioned comments on this post.
so- i'm not a magenta-haired woman in a lady-relationship, so what. 
what 2-dimentional existences do most people fucking live in?

who we are is not dictated by our outer shell. 
it is merely a vessel. 
for a heart, mind, soul.

too bad so many fuck-faces lack those vital ingredients. 
how sad.

who we are is not dictated by our sexual partners. 

who we are is not dictated by our careers, our finances, our geography, or our culture.

no- on the contrary.

who we are is how we love others, and ourselves.

who we are is the culmination of ideas we share and legacies therein we leave behind.


  1. Here here !!!

    I detest the way people are labelled and defined, then expected to conform to the way society thinks they should behave/sound and look becuase of it. I have a gay friend who has been slated because he is not camp - someone once told him that he was not a 'proper gay' wtf ?
    I cant remember what he said he replied with but knowing paul it would've involved the words cock and arse lol.
    In these days where we have so many different versions of gender I think it's about time we were just people.
    I have the beginings of a post about this that I've been workin on for ages - must get that finished.

    Personally I can never decide whether being bi-sexual means you are lucky to have the best of both worlds, indecisive, or just plain greedy.

    I'm joking - I'm just jealous cos I'm straight. And the downside of liking cock is in order to get it you have to have a prick in your life.

    Though knowing my luck if I was into women I'd end up with a right cunt.

  2. People can be so judgmental at times.

    I don't understand why someone would feel the need to say things like: "what the hell happened to you?" - it's intentionally bitchy, so there's just no need.

    As clichéd as it is, people always point out your 'apparent flaws' because they are so insecure about themselves.

    ..and to be honest, they are probably just jealous of you're self-assurance - to cut your hair short and feel confident enough to wear it that way.

    Such an insightful post!

  3. i tend to think that human sexuality is more of a spectrum than anything else. people fall somewhere along the spectrum from totally hetero to totally homo and everywhere in between. it's stupid for people to give anyone grief over who they are loving atm. and just as stupid to comment on someone's appearance choice, anyone who gave you negative hair comments deserves a knock in the head. unfortunately, the world is full of assholes.

    "call me old fashioned- and disease free"...great line!


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