gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
adjective:
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
noun:
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

misconstrued teen assumptions revisited

"if i knew what i do now, when i was your age, i'd..."*
blahblahblah

you'd what, buddy?

save the world,
have a million bucks?
never do that dumb thing?

 walking to school, uphill, both ways, four miles, in the snow 

i always hated when people said that* to me, or even around me.
i thought it was a pompous ageist blanket-statement.

but today, this is what i am contending with:


feeling very pretty

no, that is not a tear of sadness.
nor it is a pearl... 
of wisdom.
au contraire, 
it is but a blob of {colgate brand} toothpaste;
in the ever-so-refreshing flavor of "extra-whitening." 
in other words, 
i am rocking the "i cannot believe it's a pimple" pimple.

wtf?
i'm no spring chickie, people. 

 chirp chirp cluck 

initially, i thought while i was going through my cage-match with puberty, that i had won.

 wrong. 

in reality, it went like this:

 violet - 0, puberty - 1 

so, i was laughing at how minty fresh i was feeling, 
en visage
and also checking my emails.
i mention this colgate-inspired issue in a quick reply, 
and my friend emails the following to me:

  "All 16 year olds have pimples, Ms. Ringwald!"  

which makes me laugh, 
in part, because it is a sweet inside family-ish joke we share, 
and also because it's a generous and darling compliment.
which, naturally, 
i simply cannot get enough of.

duh.

fast forward to right now:

when i ask j. how long i needed to leave this glop on my cheek, 
he says

  "at least 2 hours."  
 "sweet baby jesus, reeeally?" 

i sincerely hope that the extra-whitening-ness 
does not
leave an extra white spot on my 
extra tanned 
face.

 verdict: 
 violet - 0, puberty - 2 

12 comments:

  1. I will tell you a little secret. I worked with Colgate Palmolive Company. Do you seriously want to know the Active Ingredient of that toothpaste you just have there on your c-spot (C for Cheek, :P)?
    Nah, won't tell. Signed some dumb confidentiality clause. Anywhoo, the urban legend works for the pubescent kiddos but I don't know about ... wait ...

    ReplyDelete
  2. baking soda?
    meth?
    whale semen?

    doooooo tellllllll, pleeeaaaassssseeee?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Never heard of putting toothpaste on zits before. And if I knew then what I know now I'd Kung Fu every fucker I met.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yeah I wanna know as well.

    I had two spots a couple of weeks ago though - one on my chin and one on my nose. Nice eh. I blame flu and the menopause.
    'Cos they certainly aren't teenage spots.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have gone to bed a time or two with my cheeks feeling minty fresh, as well. le sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  6. the minty freshness did not fuck with my tan.
    or help.
    i should have used the original 99 cents version from the crap store. but that's all i had on hand. the fancy shit.
    which not only did NOT help, but made it worse.

    now i am rocking a huge, purple-red-ish, icky dry splotch on my face. i feel like a tool. oh well.

    a friend last time i had this issue [i.e. last month] said, look on the bright side, you still have oil glands in your face actively working, and will look younger for longer than those with dry scaley skin. and it will come in handy in 20 years.
    point taken.

    ReplyDelete
  7. If I'd known when I was a kid what i know now... I'd probably still have done most of it the same way. Most of my bad decisions were the reult of laziness or distraction, not youthful ignorance...

    The toothpaste thing works great on pimples. On anything else - like plain old blemishes - it will mess up your skin worse.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Does toothpaste actually work? I heard that using perfume sometimes helps, but it's probably a lie. Just consider yourself lucky to be dealing with one one spot, unlike some... :(

    ReplyDelete
  9. pimple 3.0 update.
    zippetydoodah is gone, but in it's place is a red dry patch.

    moral of the story goes as thus:
    put a hot washcloth on it and then dab with a bit o' rubbing alcohol.
    and wait.
    like 2 days.

    and do not prod and poke and instigate a war on your face because you refuse to admit defeat over an endless puberty-phase.

    thank you

    ReplyDelete
  10. oh- sarah... before i forget- please do not ever put parfum on a zit. it may mess your skin up worse than an evening with toothpaste. and i would imagine it to be quite painful. not that you would do that, but i'm concerned regardless.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Totally old school, but warm wash cloths and a little cleansing with witch hazel, (VERY cheap) seem to work around our house.

    ReplyDelete
  12. dave- you got it!
    how on earth could i forget about good old fashioned witch hazel?
    my grandpa put it on every ailment ever. EVER.
    like the dad from "my big fat greek wedding" did with windex.
    love it! thanks

    ReplyDelete

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