fancy gowns and award shows

and tonight, in the silky cheetah jammy pants and the black walgreens (TM) tank top, 

we have moi, sashaying down the red carpet, bloated and thirsty.

okay, i'm sitting on the floor. 

there is no red carpet. 

but everyone who's anyone was there!

all seriousness aside, it really is awards night, my little cheeze-its!

and who better to honor than myself?

i'm a winner alright! 

i love dapper squirrels, and wine, so win-win for me, right?

who cares that this pic makes absolutely no frieken sense?

would anyone on the interweb dispute the deliciousness of cupcakes?

just as i suspected, no-one.

accept.

this fucking mess is awesome

{my favorite award actually. hideous/awesome}

yes i am.

but i'm lime-esque, 

or so i have been told.

not really.

but i have been called sour.

just because whomever made the pie the right way, 

i will accept.

i really enjoy fruit pie.

yuuummmm.

pie.

because i use fancy phrases.

and swear-words often.

how sweet.

see, i told you!

comes with a pump.

and lube.

the roses on the shoe soften the blow- 

when this shoe makes toe-to-ass contact.

never seen anywhere near the proper grammar award

is he holding a sock puppet, and a goblet? 

i really do hope so.

accept.

i am so tickled pink!

all this fanfare makes me want to toss the pigskin around!

me too, spongebob, me too!

i'm huge in italy

all over the lonely world, actually

like here

and here, mon

and especially here

but i have one question:

where's the glitter i deserve?

that's a bit more interesting.

at least it's dong-ish.

speaking of dongs...

wait...

what?

what's going on here?

feel free to grab any award and give them to yourself. 

or grab one or five and share with anyone whose you blob you read, 

or even better-

a stranger.