gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I Survived VD & All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt!

I am alive to tell the story:

So what if I was a gnarly beotch yesterday? 
Do you feel worse for wear because if it?
Didn't think so.

If you cannot throw a pity party for yourself what kind of hostess are you?
Answer: A shitty one.

No, I did not make these Hostess (TM) inspired treats, 
but I am totally inspired to!

If you are a sub-par hostess, I don't want to come over to your house for a party anyway. 
I will bring my Asian Noodle Delight to someone else's gig then.
Fact: that shit's delicious!!!!

I don't actually have the noodle dish to offer you tonight. 
After all, I am still in my jammies, at 5:17 pm, the same jammies which are comprised of half of yesterday's work outfit.
I really don't care.

 I opted to NOT work today. 

Took today off instead, to care for myself and chill with Lady Fletcher- wonder kitty. 

Fletch, basking in the Love!


One of yesterday's perks was actual shit. 

Don't leave my blob!

Let me explain...

I came in from work, after being Happy Valentine's Day'd to near-death and went into my room to change and relax with a feline infused snuggle. 
BUT WAIT! What is that?!?!?

I shit you not.

The pussy who goes by "Lady" Fletcher dropped dos deuces a foot away from my pillow. 

Suspect turds looked much like these gems here.

Genius observation, Doctor!

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.
The power of Poop compels me! 

I immediately fell into a fit of hysterics.
I imagined her trying to pass these diamond-like [in hardness not cash value] nuggets and her getting surprised so deeply by the lack of movement, that she jumped all willy-nilly until the crap literally flew out of her starfish.

Not Like Cartman's Kitty here. 
That's a bad kitty!

Because that is exactly how she rolls, yo! 
I have seen the shitty kitty dance before- just not so close to where I lay my head.

"Here Kitty Kitty" by Litterbox.

Two minutes you will never get back.
Reason #376 why you love me.
You are welcome!

I thanked her for the memories and the hearty laugh & went into the kitchen and made a VD sandwich- with cheese.

Hope all of your VD dreams came true- 
& that none of you have The Clap!


P.S. I kind of started another little less-cunty blob. 
Feel free read on or not. 


  1. I survived VD. On the ship. In 1978.
    I blame Naples.
    OK, it wasn't REALLY VD. But, there was a burning thing going on.
    Ooh, that wasn't what you meant, though, was it?
    Never mind.

    Actually, I thought that was one of the selling points of a cat over a dog. Aren't cats supposed to crap in a box of sand under the steps?

    1. Al, it is exactly what I meant. Hope you had some oranges and some antibiotic creme...
      I guess some cats shit in boxes. My kitty prefers more drama than that. She is Shakespearian like that!
      AND homegirl is OLD as the hills, so I cannot get mad at her. She will be 20 on 3.3.12 and in cat years, that is over a hundred!

  2. Less cunty? I want more cunty. I want your cunty blog to swallow the world whole.
    At least you cat is kind enough to poop out rocks you can easily pick up. My cat leaves pudding.

    1. nellie,
      i sincerely hope your kitty leaves butterscotch pudding.. minus the butter... and in a shot glass with a few ice cubes

  3. Well, in leu of the bipolar cycling that a good old fashioned breakup encourages, you can count on me to be extra sensitive touchy, bitchy and the like. Stay posted and thanks for supporting cunty bitches everywhere!

    p.s. when cats leave you pudding, get a dog to lick it up. beagles eat shit often. can you borrow one? less cleanup for you!

  4. Awwww, she gave you a Valentine:D What do you get the girl who has everything on a housecat's budget? Why Nuggety goodness of course.

  5. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore'!
    When your kitty passes out poop like she had too much wine, that's vita diva! lol

    Gawd, she must be an adorable pussy!

    1. Lady Turds-A-Lot is pictured in her shitless glory above... not the cat in a business suit, the tabby below him!
      I think she is the bee's knees!
      And she is one diva alright

  6. You do realise that in the UK we use the term VD to mean veneral disease right ?

    Kind of appropriate I think all the same Valentines Day = Syphalis.
    Yeah, great comparison.

    1. unlike pants- we share VD

      take it in all ways.

      that one too


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