I am livid. Pissed the
fuck off. Frustrated.
And I am not interested in
being soothed or calmed down.
I have recently had an
important revelation:
Most of the males I have
met are fucking shallow two-faced assholes.
Especially the ones who
talk the talk otherwise.
They are the absolute
fucking worst.
During the last year, I
have been single. I have not been “on the market” for a mate,
instead, I have been enjoying the single life. It has been full of
meeting new people and flirting with guys. I adore my newish
apartment and living solo. My neighborhood is a wonderful place to
live and work.
New friends have come into
my life, and overall- it has been a blast.
So why the kvetching?
I am surprised that at 38
fucking years old, I still find the men I meet to be the exact same
as they were at 23. And I refused to date men when I was 23 because I
found my male peers to be insipid idiots. I found female peers to be
much more honest and sexy. [Duh,We ARE!]
I am just as angsty today
about my male peers, perhaps more so than when I was younger, since
for some fucking crazed reason, I expected guys to grow up.
Does this ever happen?
I shall paint you a
picture.
I have been going to
cafe's, parties and local haunts and having such brilliant
interactions with attractive, funny, seemingly-smart men. Some
have shown interest in me, exchanging contact info with me after what
came across as meaningful intellectual conversations richly steeped
in deep subject matter. In intimate settings, or with a small group
[see: comfort zone] these guys were throwing the signals out.
Perhaps I misread them.
But after seeing them out
and about, they ignore me somewhat or act completely different than
when we conversed last. Especially if there is a female with them.
Even my guy friends whom I believed were more sensitive and evolved
have proved to be corny fucking stereotypes.
Here is what I have seen:
ALL of them like the same
type of women- petite, demure, vacuous “pretty” little mice,
mostly with flatironed hair. These women act coy and play silly,
predictable games with men.
I have no time for that shit.
 |
| Sweet Brown ain't got time fo that... |
Will
someone please give me a break?!?!?
Although these men enjoyed
chatting with me and spending time interacting personally, they have
absolutely no interest in me otherwise. Like 23 year old dudes, they
still want the same type of girl- just a little girl. Are
there any men out there who want a real woman?
Having always been dynamic
and independent, I have been interesting to be around. This is fact-
I am not being an asshat and bragging. I have confidence in my social
and intellectual skills. I am keenly aware of my sexuality and
bravado. I enjoy humorous exchanges and entertaining those around me.
Is that a crime?
I am versed in interests
which have been labeled “masculine” by some. I own and operate
power tools. I can weld metal and wield torches. I can fix a flat,
change oil and filters and have a sophomoric sensibility about car
problems [having owned lots of shitty cars will do that.] I can fix a
toilet, re-wire electronics and do many minor home repairs. I do not
mind manual labor or getting dirty doing so.
.
I am also versed in
interests which have been labeled “feminine” by some. I adore
cooking and sewing. I excel at decorating and gardening. My primary
mode of getting clean is via bubble bath. I have long, full, curly
hair and wear more dresses and skirts than pants. I am quite
nurturing and sensitive.
 |
| Balanced masculine and feminine sides is the only option |
In every relationship I
have had, be it with a man or a woman, I was the stronger one- both
physically and emotionally. Even though the males were bigger than I,
they would complain about their bodies hurting after doing far less
physically than I do on a daily basis. Oh sure, they could lift a few
pounds more than I could, but they would bitch the entire time. What
the fuck? Man up dudes!
Does a man exist who is
attracted both intellectually and physically to a talented,
strong independent woman like I am? Is this merely a myth? I am not
buying the cop-out excuse that I am too strong. That is utter
bullshit. It took me a long time to appreciate myself inside and out,
and I am not about to go backwards now- or ever!
I do not primp or wear
heels to feel like a sexy Goddess. I look everyone straight in the
eyes when they speak. I need no rescuing or saving of any sort. I
enjoy my own company and alone time immensely. I am not afraid to be
single- but would greatly enjoy a partner to share the preciousness
of life with and have a regular, healthy sex life.
I am not looking for a
knight in shining armor. For the most part, I was that person in my
past. I am done with that charade. I want to meet my equal. I prefer
to next have a male lover/partner, for a variety of reasons which I
need not discuss at this time. He must love my curves and boldness,
be attracted to me inside and out-
But he
has to be more
man
than I am.
My Mr. Yes list:
{In no
particular order}
~ Is available and
naturally faithful.
~ Keen sense of humor and
socially adept.
~ Has balanced masculine
and feminine sides.
~ Is creative &
passionate about making art/music/writing etc.
~ Is open-minded,
spontaneous and fearless.
~ Sexy as fuck and has
great chemistry with me.
~ Bigger and physically
stronger than I am.
~ Respects and loves his
mother/sisters [and therefor, women.]
~ Enjoys being in nature
and likes camping.
~ Is affectionate and
tender, thoughtful and caring.
~ Has an adventurous
appetite for sex that matches mine.
~ Is employed and working
on future career goals.
~ Has a strong shared
spiritual belief system and actively expresses it.
~ Knows how to fix
things/build stuff.
~ Is an intellectual match for me & inspires me to grow smarter.
~ Is an intellectual match for me & inspires me to grow smarter.
~ Enjoys cooking [I desire
a vegetarian/vegan man- for once.]
~ Loves animals- maybe he
has a cat, too
After talking with other
women, some single, some married, I do not know where to even begin. Many think I am asking too much. I am not. Some think
that I need to open the parameters of the type of guy I want, be open
to a less-artistic type. But only an artist understands the
philosophical mind workings and moods of an artist. I want a mate I
can work with on projects together, even if only small ones. I do not
ever wish to be reliant on a mate for validation of my creativity and
worth, I have that within already. Nor do I wish to have to explain
why I am doing what I do creatively.
Am I crazy? Am I deluding
myself?
Does he exist?
... Any thoughts?
