gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Monday, May 13, 2013

The Flatiron Syndrome

I am livid. Pissed the fuck off. Frustrated.
And I am not interested in being soothed or calmed down.

I have recently had an important revelation:
Most of the males I have met are fucking shallow two-faced assholes.
Especially the ones who talk the talk otherwise.
They are the absolute fucking worst.

During the last year, I have been single. I have not been “on the market” for a mate, instead, I have been enjoying the single life. It has been full of meeting new people and flirting with guys. I adore my newish apartment and living solo. My neighborhood is a wonderful place to live and work.
New friends have come into my life, and overall- it has been a blast.

So why the kvetching?

I am surprised that at 38 fucking years old, I still find the men I meet to be the exact same as they were at 23. And I refused to date men when I was 23 because I found my male peers to be insipid idiots. I found female peers to be much more honest and sexy. [Duh,We ARE!]
I am just as angsty today about my male peers, perhaps more so than when I was younger, since for some fucking crazed reason, I expected guys to grow up.
Does this ever happen?

I shall paint you a picture.

I have been going to cafe's, parties and local haunts and having such brilliant interactions with attractive, funny, seemingly-smart men. Some have shown interest in me, exchanging contact info with me after what came across as meaningful intellectual conversations richly steeped in deep subject matter. In intimate settings, or with a small group [see: comfort zone] these guys were throwing the signals out.

Perhaps I misread them.

But after seeing them out and about, they ignore me somewhat or act completely different than when we conversed last. Especially if there is a female with them. Even my guy friends whom I believed were more sensitive and evolved have proved to be corny fucking stereotypes.

Here is what I have seen:
ALL of them like the same type of women- petite, demure, vacuous “pretty” little mice, mostly with flatironed hair. These women act coy and play silly, predictable games with men. 

I have no time for that shit.

Sweet Brown ain't got time fo that...

Will someone please give me a break?!?!?

Although these men enjoyed chatting with me and spending time interacting personally, they have absolutely no interest in me otherwise. Like 23 year old dudes, they still want the same type of girl- just a little girl. Are there any men out there who want a real woman?

Having always been dynamic and independent, I have been interesting to be around. This is fact- I am not being an asshat and bragging. I have confidence in my social and intellectual skills. I am keenly aware of my sexuality and bravado. I enjoy humorous exchanges and entertaining those around me.
Is that a crime?

I am versed in interests which have been labeled “masculine” by some. I own and operate power tools. I can weld metal and wield torches. I can fix a flat, change oil and filters and have a sophomoric sensibility about car problems [having owned lots of shitty cars will do that.] I can fix a toilet, re-wire electronics and do many minor home repairs. I do not mind manual labor or getting dirty doing so.
I am also versed in interests which have been labeled “feminine” by some. I adore cooking and sewing. I excel at decorating and gardening. My primary mode of getting clean is via bubble bath. I have long, full, curly hair and wear more dresses and skirts than pants. I am quite nurturing and sensitive.

Balanced masculine and feminine sides is the only option

In every relationship I have had, be it with a man or a woman, I was the stronger one- both physically and emotionally. Even though the males were bigger than I, they would complain about their bodies hurting after doing far less physically than I do on a daily basis. Oh sure, they could lift a few pounds more than I could, but they would bitch the entire time. What the fuck? Man up dudes!

Does a man exist who is attracted both intellectually and physically to a talented, strong independent woman like I am? Is this merely a myth? I am not buying the cop-out excuse that I am too strong. That is utter bullshit. It took me a long time to appreciate myself inside and out, and I am not about to go backwards now- or ever!

I do not primp or wear heels to feel like a sexy Goddess. I look everyone straight in the eyes when they speak. I need no rescuing or saving of any sort. I enjoy my own company and alone time immensely. I am not afraid to be single- but would greatly enjoy a partner to share the preciousness of life with and have a regular, healthy sex life.   

I am not looking for a knight in shining armor. For the most part, I was that person in my past. I am done with that charade. I want to meet my equal. I prefer to next have a male lover/partner, for a variety of reasons which I need not discuss at this time. He must love my curves and boldness, be attracted to me inside and out-

But he has to be more man than I am.

My Mr. Yes list:

{In no particular order}

~ Is available and naturally faithful.
~ Keen sense of humor and socially adept.
~ Has balanced masculine and feminine sides.
~ Is creative & passionate about making art/music/writing etc.
~ Is open-minded, spontaneous and fearless.
~ Sexy as fuck and has great chemistry with me.
~ Bigger and physically stronger than I am.
~ Respects and loves his mother/sisters [and therefor, women.]
~ Enjoys being in nature and likes camping.
~ Is affectionate and tender, thoughtful and caring.
~ Has an adventurous appetite for sex that matches mine.
~ Is employed and working on future career goals.
~ Has a strong shared spiritual belief system and actively expresses it.
~ Knows how to fix things/build stuff.
~ Is an intellectual match for me & inspires me to grow smarter.
~ Enjoys cooking [I desire a vegetarian/vegan man- for once.]
~ Loves animals- maybe he has a cat, too

After talking with other women, some single, some married, I do not know where to even begin. Many think I am asking too much. I am not. Some think that I need to open the parameters of the type of guy I want, be open to a less-artistic type. But only an artist understands the philosophical mind workings and moods of an artist. I want a mate I can work with on projects together, even if only small ones. I do not ever wish to be reliant on a mate for validation of my creativity and worth, I have that within already. Nor do I wish to have to explain why I am doing what I do creatively.

Am I crazy? Am I deluding myself?

Does he exist?

... Any thoughts?


  1. If he exists I have never met him. If I do I'll send him down your way (though the sex part I will have to take him at his word, and let you be the judge.

    1. He has to exist- or I will be an old maid, forever solo!

  2. Maybe it's because you're too independent. Sounds like bullshit, doesn't it? But whenever a guy finds out that I don't NEED him, (fixing machinery, decorating etc) I hear those too often said words, "well you don't need me then."And I don't.
    I don't 'need' anyone but I would quite like to meet someone.

    It's the word 'need' that seems to crop up time and time again, as if the fact that they're not 'needed' to do the manly stuff, somehow makes them redundant. That if we can do all that, then why bother with a man? The last boyfriend kept saying, "why won't you let me take care of you and do everything?" No equality, just I be the woman and he be the man. It sucks that some people find the idea of an independent woman, threatening rather than attractive.

    Sorry if I'm not making sense, sleeping tablet kicking in. :)

    1. Can the entire male gender group be this transparent and unevolved? Godzilla- I hope not!

  3. I mean this VERY seriously: I [You] am [are] woman. Hear me [you] roar. Good for you.
    As a male of my gender, I must apologize. A lot of us are self-centered knuckleheads. I honestly don't know what you ladies see in us. If I was a woman, besides being one ugly broad, I'd probably be a lesbian.
    Good luck. And I mean THAT seriously, too.

    1. I may have to resort to the ladies... but I really don't want to. Sigh

  4. That's quite a list of requirements. I'll see if I can find a silverback with a PhD in literature.

    1. Please send him over- I make great banana smoothies, & we can chat about poetry together...


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