gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Fun with Dick

This weekend, I went to the local porno superstore:

Appropriately grainy screen-shot taken off Google Maps.
Not like The Money Shot.
It's better.

Inside it's clean and fresh.
Unlike your mind after you leave.

Take it from me... I used to work there. 
Another fab blob for a later date. 
Ask me nicely... I may share stories!

I went with a friend around midnight- after drinks.
 After we had dinner with my mother. 
After a long day at work. 
She bought a treat for her and her beau... 
And I purchased one overpriced glow-in-the-dark condom.

^^^ Like this one here ^^^

And of course, I thought about Luke Skywalker.
So darned cute, he was...

BUT, after I was fervently looking for it yesterday in my bag, I discovered-
EEK- it's missing!

I was missing a piece too...
a piece of ass!

Since we are all grown-ass friends here, I shall be honest. 
I was in need of a good dicking,
 as my girlfriend says [surprise surprise, it was the same friend who I went to VIP with!] 

We all have needs. 
Get over your puritanical tendencies, if you have any. 

Speaking of dick:

Andy Dick is one of my favorite dicks. 
Look at that dumb dog. That dog is a total dick as well.

Not sure what's going on here, but I had to share.

Before Dick Clark was a robot. 

Dick Cavett with his Henson parody.

Dick Van Patten of 8 is Enough fame knows about a good dicking
He had 8 f'n kids, duh!

Dang it, Dick Dale! 

Good 'Ole Tricky Dicky!

Philip K. Dick... with pussy.

Dick Butkus.

Dick Van Dyke as the chimney sweep in LSD-headed Poppins!

Dick York as Darren Stevens #1

Dick Sargent as Darren Stevens # 2

Dick -VS- Dick

And speaking of WTf'nF?!?!?:

WHY on earth was Abe Vigoda featured on the Dick pages of the Google?

Readers, I hope you enjoyed my romp through the Dick forest. 
I know I did.
Almost as much as I enjoyed my non-glow-in-the-dicking.

And all I can say about the missing condom is that I was over my mother's house the night after I bought it, before I looked for it in my bag, the bag that doesn't close. 
It must be at her place. 
You should know this: 
She and I definitely do not have the kind of tampon commercial relationship some chicks have with their moms where they go bra shopping and talk about dick. 
We have the other type... 
The one where she's mega-ultra-religious, and afraid of lust & life as I know it and I am an openly psychic, ex-sex-shop employee with a flavor for the absurd.  

Enjoy that condom, Mom!

Now where did I put that gimp mask...


  1. Oh Violet Violet, I'm so bloody glad you're back!
    You've just given this miserable cow, the first 'laugh out loud' moment this week and for that I thank thee.

  2. Tricky Dick shakes hands with the King. TCB, baby, TCB.

  3. LMAO, I'm picturing your mom rolling it over and over, trying to figure out exactly what it is:P

  4. I found it a week later by my bag when I was leaving. There was no conversation about the glowing item... but I can only imagine the conversation she had with her friends about it.

  5. OMFG V! Your mum must be using the glow in the dark condom as her nightlight! lolololol!

    Love the Dick collection!

  6. Re: Luke Skywalker and the glow-in-the-dark condom: I didn't know he was that gifted.
    Apparently, the force is with him.

  7. Abe Vigoda is a babe, break me off a piece of that!

  8. RE: luke streetwalker, er uh i mean luke skywalker....uh er i mean...dark helmet...i see your shwartz is a big as mine...

    this post is dicked!

    dick is good to give as well..

  9. LOL

    If I had - just supposing - been feeling the need for some dick - then those pictures might have just put me off the idea.

  10. I have the glowing raincoat in my purse... just no-one to share it with. stupid light saber bullshit crap timing! too bad. it was such a nice one too...


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