gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

emo-logical evidence & weather patterns

after two am on a wednesday, and the elm city is covered by a gauzy blanket of fog. the leaves hang heavy with moist anticipation of inevidable decay. the hospital's newest buildings vie for our attention with their mercurial beams, demanding "look over here. i am important." and everything, including myself, is coated with an unnamed dewiness.
an eeewiness.
there is a certain sticky quality to this time of year in new england that lingers sulkily in my bones. in my muscles too. especially when it's so damned damp. i am stiff. i feel like i need an oil can- like the tin woodsman. season changes always effect my physical body in odd ways.
autumn truly is a picturesque season; it's so lovely, it may be argued that it's teetering on pretentious and showy. halloween is just around the corner- less than 4 full days away. i adore halloween. so- what's the deal? why so sombre? again?
i too am covered in a gauzy blanket of fog. this fog has softened my edges of cultivated boundries and mysteriously cloaked my reality of the space between present and future just beyond immediate view. but the fog [my favorite expressed weather expression of mother nature's] is a welcome emo-logical necessity. up there with a good ol' fashioned shit-storm... that one will show ya what you're made of all right.
the fog descends- sometimes quickly, other times sneakily upon you and you can do one of a few things-
a] ignore it. go to bed.
b] shine a blasting yellow fog lamp on it. use intimidation tactics. get to the heart if it. now.
c] wade through it slowly and hope you don't stub a toe, or worse- fall off a cliff.
you guessed it right. i'm going with c.
unlike those stereotypical gorgeous blue skied puffy cloud days, or the flip-side twin: the rainy drear-fest, the fog is forgiving and unpredictable- both literally and figuratively speaking.  i'm not referring to the medicine-head fog or jetlag type stuff here, but the lazy cousin of the dark night of the soul stuff.
it's not kin with numb, although some may think thus. nor is it kin with snow cover. when numb, one is [usually overwhelmed to such a severe degree that renders them] unable to feel, and may be immobilized in other areas as a result. the snow cover may seem kin to fog but is only on the surface, and leaves the person with perspective. goddess bless you if you have snowshoes.
here's why i like those foggy times:
a] it buys me time to feel what i am feeling without pressure to understand, analyze, or change those feelings. for a change.
b] it's a truly neutral state of be-ing. not positive or negative. just is.
c] when it passes, i usually am better for it, and wiser.

so, i'm off to bed to rest my weary head, and hope that i dream lush dreams, and will see you all there...

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