gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Wardrobe MalFUNction: The Summertime Edition

Ohhalalalaalaaaah deee daaah, Bitches!

It's Summertime, and you know what that means, right?
And opportunities for many obvious wardrobe malfunctions.
Think about it. *

After many many moons sans respite, a much needed mandatory vacation was upon moi, thanks to my employ. I pack myself, some clothes and my cat and we head a few hours due North to S. an P.'s place.
Take a day to be stoney and leisured to the maxx and play it by ear.

Monday, wake up, but no too early. Coffee and some editing and P calls out of work, and we all decide it's the perfect day for the beach.
Perfect day.

Pack up the car again and head North to Rockport, a quaint little seashore New England town. Tasty treats followed by a day sunning and swimming was just what I needed. There was a floating dock a few hundred yards out, for sunning or diving off of. I love that shit.

Something about my little ocean visits with S brings out the best in me. Salt air and saltier water on my skin and hair does me good. My body thanks me afterward. For a few summers, he and I have taken to the water and the meandering swims have proven to be prime time for dick talk. Old-School girlfriend time dick talk.

Can you see the floaty dive dock? 

Usually starting with...
"I am not one to tell dong details, and he would hate it if I said a word, buuut..."
To which I usually reply...
"Oooh, do tell!"

Oh, how I adore our sacred-oceanic secret chats.

I was swimming out to the floating dock when a small flock of 7 white Trumpeter swans flew over and landed near me. In a few seconds, they were heading over to see me.
"Hi there y'all!"

I tried to swim behind their cue but they had speed on me, being more aquatic than myself.

Did you see his flippers? Impressive!

We bid them adieu and headed for the dock. A little chatting, a little sunning and more folks kept joining in on the floating fun- it was time to jump. I decided to wait for no-one, so I took what seemed to me to be an elegant dive off into the ocean. The water was a lush green and didn't sting when I opened my eyes underwater. I felt like a kid!


We splashed about for a bit before coming back to shore to see what was up with our other vacationer. He was macking on his chaise lounger with his i-pod playing, in his own world. Some more sun, followed by some more sunny sun and it was time to go back in the water.

No swans this time, but we raced over to the dock seeing that it was almost empty now. I climbed on and found a primo spot to baste. The last intense rays were eeking through the atmosphere requiring us to stay in the water. I had to jump.

Taking what seemed, again, a perfect dive, I became a mermaid at home. And when I came up to the surface, my breasts had made way out of my suit, like 85%.
Nip slip.

I swam for a half an hour before I realized, and my bear-gay friend was pretending he:
A) Did not notice
B) Is grossed out by everything female- including boobs.

Which is a fucking lie...
EVERYONE loves boobs. 
Come on!

I righted the situation after a few laughs and forcing my friend to look at my exposed titty then went on my merry way.

The little town was lovely. It has many art galleries and performance venues and yummy places to get sweets and goodies. I found a new rad metaphysical shop called Dark Star and got some jewelry- which I needed. Heard a sexy saxophonist playing a sad ballad. I am sure whoever was blowing that tune was nude. Convinced of it, actually.

Finished my editing this afternoon and had a lax day today- Tuesday...

My car broke down en route home. Waited a long time for a ride to rescue me and kitty.
And when the tow truck driver arrived, he was smokin' hot.
And married.

Either way, here is a gratuitous cleave shot, backwards and not swim-suited, but enjoy anyway.

New Tank Top.


  1. I never learned how to swim, so I will never experience moments like the ones you wrote about, which is unfortunate because I do enjoy dick talk.

    1. You can enjoy dick talk while hiking, shopping or swimming. Just grab a gay and go! Oohhh lalalalaaa!

  2. When I go the beach, I'm on the lookout for wardrobe malfunctions. I have to lay on my stomach, though.
    But, it's a small (and I do mean small) price to pay.

  3. Flip & Al-
    YUP! Hooray for BOOBS!!!
    I mean, what is wrong with someone who denies this?
    I am not suggesting mouth agape drooling at them on the beach, but a simple appreciation for nice Nonnies never EVER killed anyone!
    Represent- V

  4. Baby Got Back, indeed.
    I like big boobs and I can't deny
    Sir Mix-A-Lot can go screw.


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