gra-tu-i-tous |grəˈt(y)oōitəs|
{ORIGIN mid 17th cent.: from Latin gratuitus ‘given freely,spontaneous’}
1. uncalled for; lacking good reason; unwarranted : gratuitous violence.2. given or done free of charge : gratuitous advice.
vi-o-let |ˈvī(ə)lət|{ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French violette} adjective:
1. a bluish-purple color seen at the end of the spectrum opposite red.
2. a herbaceous plant of temperate regions, typically having purple, blue,or white five-petaled flowers, one of which forms a landing pad for pollinating insects. Genus Viola, family Violaceae.
3. ME.

Monday, January 10, 2011

just another manic monday

in leu of the slightly uneventful life of the unemployed, i don't have much to offer.
yesterday i made a sock monkey.
crossed that off my to-do list. yes, make a sock monkey was actually on my to-do list.
you know what wasn't on my to-do list? look up people [online] who are no longer in my life.
what the f was i thinking?
just another manic monday. i wish it were a sunday. that's my funday. my make sock monkeys day.
it agitated me and i'm a bit unnerved.
why do i torture myself?
why do i constantly look back?
i may turn to salt if i keep it up.

maybe i do this because i suffer from a severe case of the grass is always greener...
maybe i am actually an ungrateful person inside, falsely masked by a grateful person's face.
so now, to undo this mess i have enmeshed myself in, i have to get positive, and change the scenario.
what and how?
i have noticed myself eating more than usual- as a method of self-soothing, especially since i quit smoking over 4 months ago. as a result i have gained maybe 20 yucky fat pounds. i don't feel good about the extra padding, and i huff and puff as much now while walking up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment as when i was a smoker- and i smoked hand-rolled unfiltered ciggs.
so, yes, being out of work can be a great opportunity for me to do some things i may not have had the time for before, but idle hands are the devil's playground.

and i have no business on that playground.
the things i have scheduled for myself today aren't anything more than things i have to do. yes, such is life, i get it, but it doesn't have to be... i believe that we can also experience joy around every corner.
what can i do to bring joy [or even meaning] into my life today?

that's my homework assignment-
to find joy and report back.

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